haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
