PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
