i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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