But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
