you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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