who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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