like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
