Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
MIDGETS
????
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
