Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
