Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
