Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
