return my video game
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
