Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
