I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
