ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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