Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
