She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
