Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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