Girls should come with a carfax report
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
