I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I touched a dick in church today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
