Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
