I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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