yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
