True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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