Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
