I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
