it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
