He had one of those small greek statue penises
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
