i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
