Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
