Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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