just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
