i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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