would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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