Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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