i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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