i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
