he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
tell me about the eggs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
