FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
