maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
