so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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