Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
