seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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