Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
