the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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