I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
