Where is the hickey?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
