were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
