She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
