I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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